Sex-communication-stronger-marriage-workshopsI grew up in a home where sex was never discussed. I really didn’t understand much about sex other than it was something that we didn’t talk about. If for some reason the subject of sex came up on a television show, someone would quickly get up and turn the channel. As a young girl growing up, pretty much the only thing I remember being discussed about sex was it was something that was not good, and something that I should not do.

My husband was also raised in a home much like mine, where the subject of sex was never discussed. That made for some awkward moments on our honeymoon night that we still laugh about today. On the biggest night of our married life, we were a bit embarrassed because everyone knew what we were doing! We felt a degree of shame for something that was never intended to be shameful in marriage.

The church hasn’t always looked upon sex as an amazing gift from God. Unfortunately, most churches have only preached about its dangers and focused on how sex in the wrong context can destroy. While it’s important to preach of the dangers, many have gotten the wrong idea, even Christians, that sex is only dirty, sinful, and shameful.

Twenty-eight years have passed since that time, and we have become much more comfortable talking about sex. Maybe it’s because 28 years of marriage makes you more comfortable, or maybe it’s because we do marriage seminars where we talk about sex, but most likely it’s because we have realized that sex is a gift from God. It was never created to be dirty, shameful or embarrassing.

We don’t fault our parents, or the church we grew up in, for the lack of discussion on sex, but the subject was definitely not handled correctly. Ignoring the subject in our families and in our churches is not the answer. While our society has become very open and vocal about sex, we have made the mistake to become very quiet about it. The world has swung the pendulum too far to the left and declares  “sex is a god,” and so Christians have swung the pendulum back to the right too far and said, “sex is shameful.” God never created sex to be shameful.

Hollywood and our society have made sex a god. Sex sells and we see it in almost every commercial, even when the product has absolutely nothing to do with sex. Hollywood has glorified bodies for sex. They have given us an unrealistic and ungodly view of sex. It’s no wonder women might feel sexually insecure when we compare ourselves to these images that are constantly thrown in our view.

My husband, Trey, and I do marriage seminars all over the country. One of our favorite lessons is called, “Keeping the Spark in Your Sex Life.” We often hear feedback from this lesson like, “We’ve never thought of sex that way,” and “We were raised that sex was dirty.” We personally feel that Hollywood and our society have preached the wrong message about sex. It’s time for Christians to step up and preach God’s message about sex. We need to get the whole truth from God’s Word out there… the truth that sex is a gift from Him for married people, and that He created it to be good and beautiful in the confines of marriage. There is no room for shame in the marriage bed, if we do things God’s way. It’s extremely important for our kids, families and churches to hear the real message that God tells us about sex in His Word.  Sex is a beautiful wedding gift given to married people!

Shame-Shanty-communication-Stronger-Marriage-WorkshopsHow do we know God is pro sex? Out of all the species He created, humans are the only species that have sex for pleasure and not just for procreation. It’s as if God created us and said, “Here is your wedding gift from me. Enjoy it for pleasure.” I also find it amazing that God chose an entire book in His Bible to be dedicated to the subject of sex between a husband and wife, Solomon’s Song of Songs. I also love Proverbs 5 where Solomon is talking to his boys and tells them not to look for love from other women, but to delight in their wife.  He says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love,” (emphasis mine). I love the idea of being intoxicated by my spouse and the love we share.

As Christians, we will do well not to ignore the subject that the rest of the world so openly talks about. Instead we must share the truth of God’s message with our children, our churches and the world…sex, the way God intended it, is a beautiful gift.

Lea Morgan is a minister’s wife and mother to 4 boys ranging in ages from 27-15. Lea and her husband, Trey, have been in ministry their entire married life of 28 years. They grew up in Amarillo, Texas and have never strayed far from home, currently working with the church in Childress, Texas. About 6 years ago, they began a ministry called Stronger Marriage Workshops. They travel the country doing about 16 weekend workshops each year, as well as promote tips for healthy marriages on social media. In addition to their website, you can find them on Instagram and Facebook.

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4 Comments

  1. Darby Coss Williams

    Well said, Lea!

    Reply
  2. Toni Powell

    Thank you so much for speaking on sex in the marriage bed Lea! In all my years in the faith I’ve only heard it from the pulpit once (I’m 59)…a young progressive pastor who did a sermon series on Song of Solomon. He wrote to families about the series ahead of time to make sure the young kid’s went into Sunday School following the Children’s Message in the Sanctuary. He also encouraged that parent’s consider having their 15+ teen’s attend this series to better understand sex within marriage and the positive, self-caring reasons to wait for who God has in mind for their life partner’s. It was a bold but gentle and a much needed topic to be heard from the pulpit.

    Reply
    • Shanty Espinosa

      It’s unsettling that sex is all we hear about from the media, but rarely taught about at church. I’m glad people like Lea are speaking up. 🙂

      Reply

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